I hate it when people insult my family, even though my family hurt me?

When my family do nasty hurtful things to me, i get angry, i do say nasty things back, because im hurt, but when i go to so called fake false friends and tell them, i dont want them to take my familys side, and i want them to beleive me, and feel my pain, and support me and take my side, but when they swear at my family, i dont like it, if i do, then its ok, but when others do they have no right, and they say that they are only insulting my family and condeming and putting shame on them to take my side, but they are not, because they should understand because i even tell them, that im not looking to get revenge on my family, and i dont wish bad on them, and i dont hate them, but hate what they do, and how they make me feel, so when so called friends swear at my family, and wish death on them, and bad on them, and critisize them, they are not doing it because they are on my side, they should understand that i love my family, and it hurts me when they say those things, but i am not looking for revenge, but just for my friends to comfort, support, and encourage me, adn feel my pain, without attacking my family. They should understand, im looking for my family to change, and reaslie where they are going wrong, and for things to get better between us, not for me to hate them and take revenge, they should understand my friend loves her family, but they are hurting her, so she needs comfort, reurance, love, respect, someone to take her side, support her, feel her pain, but also to not wish bad on her family, she doesnt want them to suffer, or to disappear, or to be insulted or hurt back, so i shouldnt insult them, but i shouldnt take their side, i can still take her side, my main priority is to heal her, not to attack her parents, and to wish that her parents and family to change and to treat her well. When i tell them how i feel when they say that, they attack me back and say "well im on your side, now your ungrateful, so get lost and dont bother me again". When they say that, it proves they didnt say those insulting things about my family to take my side, and they dont care about me as friends, because if they did, they would listen to my heart, and understand, and empathise, that if their family didnt treat them well, and if i swore at their family they would be hurt to, and what im looking for is comfort, and encouragement, and support, but instead they make me feel bad for telling them how i feel, and correcting them, and they twist it and say im ungrateful, and cut me off, and no true friend would cut me off and reject me for telling them how i feel, because i am not grateful to them, because what they say makes me feel from bad to worse. They should instead support me, take my side, feel my pain, but at the same time, know that insulting my family wishing them bad is hurtful and is not good for me to hear, but instead positive things like "dont worry, just have faith, or if they are hurting you, just dont go there for the time being, or, i wish your family would treat you with love and respect that you deserve and for your relationship to improve and be healthy". I dont want them to say "your dads a *****", he should just d**. When i tell them this, they should understand, and change, but instead, they make me feel bad, and then reject me, saying im ungrateful. They dont have to take my familys side, and disregard my feelings and false, and can still beleive me, without insulting my family. When they tell me this, and if it hurts me, they should be able to listen to my heart, and respond to me in the way i would like to help me. The fact that they dont, and reject me for telling them this PROVES THAT THEY DONT CARE ABOUT ME ANYWAY, AND ARE NOT MY TRUE FREINDS. NO TRUE FRIEND WOULD JUST REJECT ME FOR CORRECTING THEM, AND PROTESTING AGAINST WHAT THEY SAID. iF THEY RESPECT ME, THEY SHOULD STILL RESPECT THE FACT THAT I DO LOVE MY FAMILY, AND CAN BE SUPPORTING ME AND TAKE MY SIDE AND STILL RESPECT MY FAMILY AT THE SAME TIME. BUT STILL FEEL MY PAIN, AND TAKE MY SIDE AND AGREE WITH ME THAT MY FAMILY ARE NOT TREATING ME RIGHT AND THEY ARE WRONG. They should still understand that i cant just forgive my family just like that, it will take time, and should understand why i dont want to see them. But i still feel hurt deep down when they wish bad on them. Even if i say it, im just angry, but when others say it, i cant explain it, i just get scared. They should be able to be sensitive toward my feelings and needs. Well i know that if someone came to me with a family problem, i wouldnt respond to them in the way others do. Atr the end of the day if these fake friends really had my best interests at heart, they should be able to listen to my heart, and understand how i feel, without cuting me off. BEcause my doint that, its more damaging to me.True friends should have some humility, and empathy, and not have pride arogance and vanity.